Feeling excited yet anxious about what's next for you and your partner? In this episode of Next Act Ninjas, Rachael Van Pelt guides couples through critical conversations to co-create a retirement and lifestyle vision you both love. From aligning core values and managing money to balancing health routines and choosing your ideal home, discover how to navigate tough topics, preempt conflicts, and set actionable goals. Tune in and learn to thrive as a team, building the fulfilling Next Act you've always envisioned.
Feeling excited yet anxious about what's next for you and your partner? In this episode of Next Act Ninjas, Rachael Van Pelt guides couples through critical conversations to co-create a retirement and lifestyle vision you both love. From aligning core values and managing money to balancing health routines and choosing your ideal home, discover how to navigate tough topics, preempt conflicts, and set actionable goals. Tune in and learn to thrive as a team, building the fulfilling Next Act you've always envisioned.
Chapters
00:00 Navigating Life Transitions as a Couple
02:12 The Power of Shared Vision and Values
04:46 Lifestyle Choices and Healthspan
06:10 Financial Transparency and Wealthspan
07:22 Real Estate Decisions and Emotional Ties
08:13 Finding Meaning and Purpose in the Next Act
09:20 Handling Conflicts and Seeking Solutions
10:17 Practical Steps for Effective Planning
Hey, hey, welcome back to Next Act Ninjas, the go-to podcast for mastering your health and wealth longevity. I'm your host, Rachael Van Pelt, and today's episode is for all of you who are navigating this next phase of life as a team. Specifically, couples who are looking to design a shared future that's both exciting and balanced. Whether you're transitioning into retirement, launching a new encore career, or simply exploring what's next, this episode will help you and your partner map out your Next Act together.
Because it can be hard to get on the same page, can't it? There you are, one morning, the two of you sitting with your morning coffee, you're feeling optimistic about your future, maybe even scrolling through social media, which of course always seems to be filled with friends posting selfies from sunny beaches or mountain retreats, doesn't it? So, what happens? You start discussing dream retirement trips or maybe even buying a sunbird property. And then what? The conversation often takes a turn, doesn't it? The optimism can quickly turn to disagreement. When can we retire? Should we downsize? Do we need to be more frugal or can we loosen the purse strings? Do we want to stay close to family or explore the world? Now, these are all critical life questions. But they can either bring you closer or create tension, the kind of tension that simmers for years.
Today, I want to inspire you to tackle these hard questions rather than steer clear of them, because these difficult conversations are essential if you want to create a lifestyle that you both love. You will thrive as a team if you are willing to talk about everything, from big picture vision and values to the more mundane realities of budgeting, location, wellness routines, and so forth. Which is why I'm going to give you some insider tips on how to preempt potential conflicts and ensure both of you feel heard and supported. By the end of today's episode, you're going to be able to create a roadmap for your shared future and more importantly, a set of strategies to tackle any obstacles that come your way.
Let's begin though by talking about the power of vision. We all have some sense of what we'd like our life to look like, whether that's traveling, spending more time with grandkids, or writing a book. But it's surprising how often couples forget to share these visions explicitly with one another. Too many of us assume that our partner "just knows" what we want. The reality though is each person has their own unique vision. Maybe you long to open a small scuba shop on the beach while your partner envisions a quiet cabin in the woods within walking distance of fly fishing. These opposing visions, they don't necessarily have to create conflict, but they do need airtime.
Often contrasting visions can be woven together, but you have to approach them with curiosity rather than judgment. Give yourselves time to fully daydream your ideal scenario. Then sit down and compare notes. You'll probably discover shared desires that you've never even talked about. Or maybe you'll see that your partner has a big dream that you never realized was so important to them. The key is to create an environment of open conversation rather than a debate about whose plan is right.
Importantly, you're want to get clear on your unique core values, the ones that really drive you. Do you even know what those are? What about your partner's values? Values include things like adventure, security, family connection, personal growth, creativity, health, financial freedom. Couples can run into conflict if their core values are misaligned. For example, you can both agree you want to live in a new city, but the "why" could be drastically different. One of you might be seeking excitement while the other might be seeking affordability. If you're not on the same page about what's motivating your move, you risk building up resentment or confusion down the road. For example, the partner who's seeking excitement in the city is going to be very disappointed when the one who's seeking affordability doesn't want to spend money going to a show or a nice restaurant.
An exercise that I recommend is for each of you to list out your top three values. Then trade lists. Look for patterns. Maybe both of you wrote health or maybe you share a value around community. Wherever you see overlap, that's the foundation for your joint vision. Wherever you differ, that's your chance just to dig deeper. See if you can find a compromise. You don't have to have the same values all the time, but you should at least recognize and respect them.
Once you have some clarity around vision and values, the next natural topic is lifestyle, specifically the everyday habits and rhythms that shape your health and wellbeing. I find that some couples struggle here because let's be honest, not everyone has the same sleeping, eating and exercise habits. Maybe you're an early riser who wants to do yoga at dawn while your partner is a night owl who does their best thinking at midnight and really would prefer to sleep until nine. I know that may sound like a small detail, but these patterns can become friction points if you're planning to spend more time together in your Next Act.
And what about exercise routines? Are you both into hiking or biking, or does one of you prefer a more relaxed approach to staying active? Healthspan's a big deal, especially if you want to remain energized and independent for life. So talk openly about what healthy aging looks like for you and what you're willing to invest in your long-term wellness. Maintaining your healthspan throughout retirement may mean hiring a personal coach, moving to a more active community, or just investing in a country club where you can golf to your heart's content. Whatever it is, remember, it's okay for you to have separate health routines, just so long as you can find moments of shared activity. I think that often the best approach is to find a mix of togetherness and alone time or personal space.
Once you tackle healthspan, be sure to address wealthspan. I always tell couples that if you're going to be transparent about anything, it's gotta be wealth. This is the time to open all of the financial doors. You can't have any hidden accounts or fuzzy estimates. You have to sit down with a spreadsheet and map out every single source of income, expense, debt, savings. Really get a clear picture on how well your resources stack up against your vision. Do you want or maybe need to continue working in some capacity? Is a downsized lifestyle appealing or are you wanting an upgrade? These choices carry big financial implications, don't they? Even if one partner says, "Hey, we have enough money saved for retirement, I'm done working", the other partner might see this as an opportunity to pivot and try something new, maybe launch an online business or something. Whatever you do, you have to communicate what money means to you. For some people, money is purely about security or freedom. For others, money is about philanthropy or leaving a legacy. You may not agree on every detail, but being transparent and open-minded can help you find a workable middle ground.
Of course, the financial conversation eventually comes around to real estate, doesn't it? Your home can either be the greatest source of partnership or a major area of conflict. Many of us spend so many decades in our homes building up equity, memories, community ties. So it's not surprising that our emotions get stirred up when we start talking about moving. Maybe we want to move closer to grandkids, relocate to a warmer climate, or buy that vacation property we always wanted. Whatever your vision, get clear on your priorities. Is your main goal to have a home base for family gatherings, or do you want to embrace more of a "nomadic" lifestyle for a few years? If you each want something different, can you reach a compromise? Maybe you spend half of the year near family, while the other half of the year you spend it sunbirding.
And don't forget to talk about meaning and purpose in your Next Act. For many couples, this is a surprisingly tough topic. It's scary, isn't it, to leave behind old work or parenting identities? But if you're stepping out of a lifelong career or routine at some point, you're going to be confronted with the existential question of "now what?" And that's the perfect time for you and your partner to think about what else gives your life meaning. In other words, if you've never had much of a life outside of your work or parenting roles, it's time to explore new pathways.
Think both big and small. One partner may be dreaming of painting or learning an instrument. Another may want to mentor or take cooking classes. Embrace each other's passions. Don't feel threatened. That's going to add much more zest to your relationship. Now, if you've always wanted to start a small online business and your partner is intrigued by the idea of vlogging about travel, maybe you can combine your talents to make a bigger impact. Maybe you can do an online travel business together. Whatever it is, together or independently, have fun with it.
And of course, don't expect it will all be smooth sailing. We all know that couples run into turbulent waters, especially when making major life transitions. Money, health, family obligations, like caring for aging parents, all of that can become flashpoints for conflict. What matters is how you handle these conflicts when they arise. Start by always giving each other space to fully articulate perspective without interruption. Then identify where your viewpoints overlap because there's usually much more common ground than you think. From there, you can brainstorm possible solutions together.
And if you're still stuck, don't hesitate to call in reinforcements. Maybe a financial planner or a real estate advisor or a health coach. Find an expert who can offer insights and perspective. Let go of the burden of trying to figure everything out on your own. Think of it as outsourcing the stressful part so you can stay focused on each other.
To get even more practical, one quick win you can try this week is scheduling 30 minutes to discuss your top three "must-haves" for your Next Act. Each partner can come to the discussion with a short list already prepared. For example, you might say, my first must-have is living somewhere with great hiking trails. My second is being able to travel at least once a quarter. My third is ensuring we have a strong faith-based community. Meanwhile, your partner might say something like, I need a place with a workshop for my golf courses nearby, and no snow. By putting these "must-haves" on the table, you can see where you align and where you might need to get creative. Now, even if there are apparent conflicts, often the conflict points are negotiable if you're willing to look for alternatives. Maybe that neighborhood you choose has both hiking trails and is close to a great golf course. Maybe you need to plan some trips together and some trips separately. You get the idea.
But let's address an elephant in the room. People often ask me, how do I get my partner to talk about this? They seem so disinterested or unwilling to plan. In many relationships, one person tends to be more of the planner or visionary. The other might just go along for the ride and only pipe up when they disagree. If that's the case for you, if you are the planner, then I suggest you find a reason to plan that resonates with your partner. If they're cautious about money, frame the conversation around financial security. If they're driven by purpose, focus on meaningful projects or philanthropic ideas. Show them how this planning thing directly addresses all that they most care about. And keep it a two-way street. Genuinely listen to their ideas. Be willing to incorporate them. Your partner is going to be much more engaged if their dreams and values are taken seriously.
And we can't forget about fear. Underneath a lot of resistance or hesitancy, planning is simply fear of change. Fear of letting go of identity, fear of financial uncertainty, fear of uprooting from long established community, whatever. These fears are valid and they often stand in the way of couples having honest conversations. Acknowledge the fears openly. Ask each other, "What's the worst that could happen? And how would we handle it?" If you thoughtfully examine worst-case scenarios, you're probably going to find it's not catastrophic or unfigureoutable. And once you've reassured each other that you're in it together and you're smart enough to work through any challenges that come along then, you can shift your energy towards the excitement of moving forward together.
By now though, you might be wondering, how do I get these discussions started without feeling overwhelmed? My advice, just pick one area at a time. Don't try to solve everything all at once. Maybe this month you carve out time to tackle the questions of values and vision. Next month you dive into lifestyle and finances. The following month you explore personal passions. Creating your best Next Act is a marathon, it's not a sprint. The best outcomes, usually arise when couples give themselves the space to reflect, to talk, to revisit, to refine.
These are the kinds of conversations I help my clients navigate, but it doesn't stop there. It's easy, I think, to get stuck planning to plan. You have to set timelines for those big decisions and bold moves. For example, you can start with something like, "In Q1, we'll review our finances and decide where we're going to downsize to. We'll get clear on our purpose and "must-haves". In Q2, we'll hire a realtor, we'll prepare our home to list, and maybe we'll build our strength and fitness for the move. We'll aim to move Q3 with a plan to settle and embark on that next phase of life in Q4." You get the idea. Setting interim deadlines helps keep you both accountable, and it keeps your momentum rolling.
As you go through this process, remember, that designing your shared Next Act is supposed to be fun. Yes, you're going to hit roadblocks and maybe even have a few tense moments, but the whole point is to co-create a life that feels more fulfilling and aligned with your current priorities. No two couples are the same. There's no one-size-fits-all approach, which is exactly why these conversations matter so much. They're going to allow you to customize your future together.
So here's your challenge. Start brainstorming. Book that first discussion with your partner. Draft your dream scenarios. Share your core values. Talk about finances, real estate, wellness, and what truly gives you each a sense of purpose or meaning. Stay curious, keep it respectful, and most importantly, be honest with each other. You're going to be amazed at how a series of thoughtful conversations can massively transform not just your future, but the depth of your partnership.
And don't forget that I'm here to help. If health and wealth longevity are a core part of your transition, hop on my calendar for a free coaching call. You'll find a link in the show notes, I'll help you get started planning your best Next Act.
That's it for today. Thank you for joining me for another episode of Next Act Ninjas. If you found this conversation helpful, please be sure to share it with another couple in your life who might be pondering their next move. And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on any new content. Until next time, live well, love more, age less, my friends.