What if the most powerful longevity intervention isn’t a supplement, a workout, or a wearable—but forgiveness? In this episode of Next Act Ninjas, Dr. Rachael Van Pelt dives deep into the emerging science of forgiveness and why it’s one of the most underappreciated tools for boosting your healthspan. Drawing from 20+ years of clinical research, she breaks down how emotional forgiveness can lower blood pressure, reduce inflammation, improve sleep, strengthen immunity, and even extend your life. You’ll learn the difference between emotional and decisional forgiveness, how to spot “toxic forgiveness,” and a simple 4-step practice to let go of old wounds without denying your truth.
What if the most powerful longevity intervention isn’t a supplement, a workout, or a wearable—but forgiveness? In this episode of Next Act Ninjas, Dr. Rachael Van Pelt dives deep into the emerging science of forgiveness and why it’s one of the most underappreciated tools for boosting your healthspan. Drawing from 20+ years of clinical research, she breaks down how emotional forgiveness can lower blood pressure, reduce inflammation, improve sleep, strengthen immunity, and even extend your life. You’ll learn the difference between emotional and decisional forgiveness, how to spot “toxic forgiveness,” and a simple 4-step practice to let go of old wounds without denying your truth. Whether you're navigating midlife, planning your Next Act, or just ready to age on your own terms—this episode is a must-listen.
Chapters
00:00 Understanding What Forgiveness Is and Isn't
03:19 The Science Behind the Benefits of Forgiveness on Health
06:56 How Forgiveness Changes Your Physiology
08:56 Forgiveness is Key to Creating Your Best Next Act
10:25 Common Misconceptions About Forgiveness
12:08 Practical Steps to Forgiveness
14:13 Forgiveness as a Longevity Bio-hack
Hey, hey, welcome back to Next Act Ninjas, the go-to podcast for mastering your health and wealth longevity. I'm your host, Rachael Van Pelt, and today's episode is one of those surprising intersections where science meets soul and physiology meets philosophy. Before we dive in though, I'm going to kick things off with a question. What if the key to living longer, sleeping better, and aging with more ease, wasn't a supplement, a superfood, or some high-tech biohack, but something much harder to measure, like forgiveness?
Now, before you roll your eyes at me or expect me to start handing out group therapy flyers, I'm going to ask you to hang with me here for a moment, because the scientific data on forgiveness and longevity is real, and frankly, underappreciated. This isn't about letting people off the hook, it's about what happens inside your body when you stop carrying the weight of unresolved resentment. And for those of you working to create your best Next Act, I know you know this. How you age is increasingly about what you release. And we aren't just talking about cholesterol and clutter, we are talking about grudges.
So let's unpack this. What exactly does the scientific evidence really say? What are the measurable benefits of forgiveness on health? And what does the process look like in daily life, especially if you've got some real scars?
We'll start by defining what forgiveness is and isn't. Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It's not about denying any harm that was done to you. And it's definitely not about reconciling with someone who continues to behave badly. Instead, forgiveness is defined in the psychological literature as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance, regardless of whether the person deserves it. And I think that last point is really important. It does not matter if a person deserves it or not. Forgiveness is actually for you.
There are two kinds of forgiveness, decisional and emotional. Decisional forgiveness is when you simply make the conscious choice to forgive and stop acting with hostility even if you still feel hurt. Whereas emotional forgiveness is when any of those feelings of resentment actually start to fade and they're replaced with a sense of peace.
Emotional forgiveness, that's the game changer. It's the one that lowers your heart rate, improves your sleep, and bolsters your immune system. Both types of forgiveness, they're valuable, but the latter is less about how you think in your head and more about how you feel in your heart.
Let me be clear, you don't have to forgive overnight and you don't have to forgive everyone. But if you're still carrying the stress load of something that's happened five, 10, maybe even 30 years ago, your nervous system is carrying a heavy burden.
Which is why I want to dig deeper into what 20 years of science has to say about the power of forgiveness. Researchers have studied its impact across a variety of health domains, and the results are surprisingly consistent.
The first domain is mental health. Forgiveness is linked to lower levels of depression, anxiety, and even anger. In multiple studies, people who scored high in forgiveness reported greater life satisfaction and emotional well-being. One review of the literature even showed that forgiveness interventions improved mood almost as much as cognitive behavioral therapy. So it's as good as a therapist.
The second domain is sleep. This one's huge. People who practice forgiveness sleep better, both in quantity and quality. Why? Because holding grudges keeps you in a mild state of hypervigilance. If you're harboring hurt from an old argument or betrayal, it doesn't just haunt your memory, it hijacks your nervous system every single night. When we forgive, we reduce the strain on our nervous system, we lower our stress hormones and improve our deep sleep and REM sleep. Over time, those changes accumulate and that improves our overall well-being.
The third domain that's been studied is cardiovascular health. Several studies have shown that forgiveness can reduce blood pressure, improve heart rate variability, and lower markers of inflammation. And these aren't just subtle changes either. One study found that practicing forgiveness regularly reduced systolic blood pressure by 6 mmHg That's about what you'd expect from starting a low dose blood pressure medication.
And look, even if your blood pressure has been textbook perfect for years, the other improvements still matter. High blood pressure is just one metric. The other cardiovascular improvements are critical to your overall strength and fitness long term.
The fourth domain is immune resilience. When chronic anger and resentment elevate your inflammatory markers, this weakens your immune response. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is linked to less inflammatory load and stronger immunity. When your immune system is strong, that's not just good for fighting off colds or flu bugs. It's also protecting you against chronic age-related diseases like diabetes, arthritis, even cognitive decline.
The fifth and final domain that forgiveness researchers have addressed is longevity. One study of adults over the age of 65 looked at the risk of death in people who forgive unconditionally versus conditionally. They found that the unconditional forgivers, those are the people who let go without requiring that the other person apologize, they actually lived longer. On the other hand, the conditional forgivers, the ones that said, well, "I'll forgive you if", fill in the blank, they actually faced a higher mortality risk. Their shortened lifespan was explained by worse biomarkers of aging. In plain English, your body just seems to know whether you've truly dropped the grudge or you're just waiting to reload on someone.
It's really interesting how forgiveness works. Resentment keeps your brain stuck in the sympathetic fight-or-flight mode. It's like a smoke detector going off loudly, even after the fire's gone out. Forgiveness hits silence on that fire alarm. It rolls back your nervous system into the parasympathetic rest-and-relax mode. With the alarm off, your stress hormone, cortisol, returns to normal, inflammation goes down and sleep quality improves. All of which contributes to slowed aging. In short, forgiveness isn't fluffy psychology. It's a multi-system service call that tunes your endocrine, cardiovascular, immune, and neurocognitive engines.
But I don't want to sugarcoat this. Forgiveness can be hard, can't it? And it's especially complex when you've been seriously hurt, whether that's by a spouse, a parent, a business partner, or just someone you trusted. That's why I want to introduce the concept of "toxic forgiveness". That happens when people are pressured to forgive prematurely, maybe by their community, their religion, or even just a well-meaning friend, without having had the time to process or set boundaries. In those cases, forgiveness can actually backfire. That can lead to more stress, insomnia, or feelings of helplessness.
So I want to be clear, forgiveness doesn't mean pretending something didn't happen. It doesn't mean you have to reconcile with someone who's still unsafe or unhealthy. And forgiveness doesn't mean excusing bad behavior. It simply means this: you are choosing to stop letting that injury define your energy, your biology, and your future. You're breaking a loop. It's an act of power, not weakness.
So why am I bringing this up on a podcast for people who want to master their health and wealth longevity? It's because forgiveness, I think, is the ultimate low-cost, high-reward, longevity intervention. It doesn't require a gym membership. It doesn't show up on your credit card bill. And it doesn't expire with age.
In fact, mid-life and later life may be the best times to practice forgiveness, because that's when unresolved pain can harden into bitterness, or it can be softened into peace. And the stakes are higher now, aren't they? Every stressor that you carry at age 55 or 65 or 70, it hits harder than it did at age 25. The margin for error shrinks as we get older, but the power of choice, well, that just continues to expand, doesn't it?
You've likely lived through betrayals, losses, or failed relationships, but you've also built wisdom, perspective, and grit. Forgiveness requires all of those things.
Maybe you've even seen what I've seen in my clients who practice forgiveness. They don't just live healthier, they live lighter. And they move more freely, they laugh more often, they sleep more deeply. And they pursue their Next Act with a kind of clarity that's hard to fake. It's a wonderful thing.
But I do want to address a few common misconceptions. Sometimes people will ask me, well, "Doesn't forgiveness mean that I have to trust the person again"? And no, trust must be earned. Forgiveness is a one-way street, whereas reconciliation is a two-way street. You don't have to trust someone to forgive them.
Another common question, "What if the person never apologizes"? That's okay. That's exactly when forgiveness is most protective for you. Remember, the research studies showed that clinging to conditional forgiveness, waiting for that perfect apology, it's just going to keep your physiologic stress high, it's going to accelerate aging and shorten your lifespan. So don't hold out for an apology.
I've also had people say, well, "Isn't anger sometimes useful"? And to that I'd say, sure, righteous anger can motivate you to change, but when it freezes into rumination, your biology is going to pay the price. You can think of anger like a match. Strike it, use the flame to see the problem, but then blow it out before it burns the house down. You don't want to stay stuck in the flame of anger.
A quick but crucial caveat, if you're healing from recent trauma or abuse, you must seek safety and professional support first before embarking on the journey of forgiveness. Trauma specialists warn that forced forgiveness can backfire, raising stress hormones instead of lowering them. Give yourself permission to set firm boundaries first. Forgive when you're ready, not because I or anyone else says you should.
But when you are ready, you might be wondering where to start. I would suggest a simple science-backed forgiveness practice. Step one is just to acknowledge the hurt. Write it out, be specific. And don't just say, "I'm angry at my ex". You want to say more specifically, "I felt betrayed when they gambled away our savings without telling me". That's the kind of clarity that's going to activate your prefrontal cortex, which calms your fight-or-flight response.
Step two, reframe the story. Ask yourself, "What could have led this person to act this way"? You aren't excusing their behavior. You're just shifting your brain from judgment to curiosity. This reframing process has been shown in brain imaging studies to reduce activation in a part of your brain called the amygdala. That's your emotional alarm center. When you reframe the story, it quiets that alarm.
Step three, release the hurt symbolically. Maybe you write a letter that you don't actually send, or you visualize dropping a weight off of your shoulder, like taking off a heavy backpack and setting it down. Even a small symbolic act like tearing up that paper or speaking the words, "I release this", helps your nervous system start to detach. And step four, track your health. Over the next few weeks, you pay attention to your sleep quality, your mood swings, your resting heart rate or blood pressure, even digestion.
This isn't magic. The health improvements are real. Forgiveness simply changes your physiology. So you aren't letting someone else off the hook, you are actually letting your body and mind off the hook.
And there's some exciting new longevity research on the horizon. Scientists are investigating the impact of forgiveness on a variety of biomarkers of aging. For example, one study is testing whether forgiveness journaling impacts DNA-methylation. Early study results hint that letting go may slow certain biological clocks. In other words, forgiveness might just be an anti-aging biohack.
Meanwhile, the techies are creating AI-driven apps that prompt micro-acts of forgiveness throughout the day. For example, the app might nudge you to send a neutral text instead of that snarky one you were about to send. I mean, wouldn't that be helpful? I'll have to keep an eye on these trials and tech gadgets and report back to you on how they do.
In the meantime, here's my invitation to you. Try the four-step practice. Start small. Choose something manageable. Don't go digging up the biggest trauma of your life just yet. Start with a lingering grudge about a sibling or colleague or something like that. See how your body feels when you choose to release rather than ruminate.
And then let me know how it goes. Share your story in the comments or message me directly. Your feedback helps this community grow and you never know who needs your story to start their process. And please be sure to share this episode with someone you care about deeply.
Remember, improving health longevity is often about removing hidden stressors, not adding more supplements. Grudges are one of those hidden stressors, and forgiveness lightens the load on your body and your mind. That's all I have for today. Until next time, live well, love more, age less, my friends.